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Thursday, June 30, 2005
The Empire Strikes Back
Well, it’s been a while, but the Republicans are finally getting off their asses and doing something I agree with.
This is a good start. I still think that there should be a constitutional amendment specifically detailing what powers the federal government has under eminent domain, but it’s good to see the Congress doing what the Congress was designed to do.
Torture In Norway
With all the accusations of “torture” coming from Gitmo, here’s how Norway treats actual torturers.
He beat a guy with a bat, cut off an earlobe, pulled out a tooth with scissors, and got four whole months in jail. But at least he didn’t get any urine on a Koran, or make his victim put underpants on his head! Only an American could be capable of that type of inhuman depravity.
Everywhere A Sign
If there were ever a woman who shouldn’t be allowed to raise a child it’s this one.
One day, when this broad’s son is an adult, he’s going to ask her, “What the hell were you thinking?”
Update: Here she is.
What a moron. Hopefully sending her son to private school will help him get into college, where he can get a good enough education to get a good enough job making a good enough salary so that his moron mother can have major plastic surgery to remove that shit from her forehead.
Posted by Lee on 06/30/05 at 02:52 PM in Decline of Western Civilization • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink •
Hosers in Drydock
There’s only one thing I love making fun of more than the smelly French and that’s the Canadian military.
Sometimes the jokes write themselves. (Oh, lighten up Canucks, I’m just goofing around.)
Bias and Terrorists
You know how there are left-wing people in America who, despite the obvious and well-documented leftward tilt to our media, still claim that there is a conservative bias to American reporting? Meet their soulmates.
Let us not forget, gentle reader, that it was not too long ago that the Tehran Times was calling al-Jazeera a Zionist plot. Let’s hope that al Qaeda targets the al-Jazeera offices next, that should give them some balance in their reporting.
War of the Scientologist
I’m heading out to see War of the Worlds. I’ll post my thoughts upon my return.
Update: Okay, here’s the review. MAJOR spoilers. If you’re planning on seeing this movie don’t read this (or any other) review beforehand. Those of you who have seen it, or have no plans to see it, read on. But I’m going to blow the whole movie, so refrain if you plan on seeing it.
I have never in my life seen a movie with a better first half and a crappier second half. In fact, calling the second half of this movie crap is an insult to crap. It devolves from an absolutely brilliant, suspenseful monster movie into an incoherent, blathering sucktacular shitfest.
I’m aiming this post mostly at people who have seen the movie. Okay, let’s start with the blood. You find out that the creatures are looking at the Earth as a source of blood, which is one of the dumbest premises for an alien movie I’ve ever heard. I mean, think about it. They planted the tripods in the ground before man existed, right? So why the fuck did they look to Earth as a source of blood? Why didn’t they just take a few humans back to their home planet and put them in a farm, like we do here with cattle? Why launch an invasion to take over and destroy a planet for something that is a fully renewable and harvestable resource? It would be like us taking over and destroying a cow planet, it just doesn’t make any sense. I hated Independence Day, but their premise of the aliens being “space locusts” was a hell of a lot more plausible than them being space vampires.
Okay, so let’s look past the overall idiocy of the reason for the invasion. What the hell was the deal with the red vines. Were they veins? They didn’t look like veins, but there was that one scene where they were growing everywhere. And they were growing out of the pools of blood outside Tim Robbins’ house. What the hell was the deal with those? The aliens invade Earth to harvest us for our blood, and then for some reason they leave pools of it all over the place, with these weird red vine/veins growing out of them. How does this make any sense whatsoever? Look, I understand that if there ever were a real invasion the aliens would undoubtedly do things that made no logical sense to us, and so I can be forgiving about some of this stuff. But the whole vines thing and the pools of blood were prominently featured in the movie. When they were in the basement Cruise snapped off a piece of one and had a look on his face like he came to some kind of realization about what was going on. Sadly, nothing was ever explained. It just made NO SENSE whatsoever.
What about when the plane landed on the house? It destroyed the whole neighborhood, but somehow managed to avoid their minivan. Oh, remember in the beginning, when New York had its power knocked out by the electromagnetic pulse? All the cars stopped, even his watch. Why didn’t all the planes over NYC airspace fall from the sky?
And the guns! Remember the scene where Cruise crashes the car, and the guy has a gun? You’re going to tell me that these thousands of redneck country folk, who have abandoned their houses and all their belongings, to go seek refuge across the river… NONE of them have a gun? Give me a break! This is America, every swinging dick in that crowd would have had at least one. Shit, I live in a one bedroom apartment in Los Angeles and I have NINE shotguns. You’re going to tell me that these redneck New York Staters wouldn’t have hunting rifles? Only in Spielberg’s utopia. (Remember, this is the guy who removed all the guns from E.T.)
Then there was the ending. The aliens were killed by our bacteria. This is absolutely the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Yes, I know that’s more or less how the original ended (H.G. Wells’ ending was much more plausible) but, again, it made no sense. In the original the aliens were dealing with an unknown quantity—our air—and the bacteria in our air killed them. In this one the very reason the aliens came to Earth was to harvest us for our blood, and yet the didn’t think to check it for bacteria? That’s so fucking stupid it just belies any kind of suspension of disbelief.
We on Earth have tests, very simple tests, to check for pathogens and bacteria in blood. Yet we’re supposed to believe that this mega-advanced civilization, who have travelled across the universe to harvest our blood, would be killed by the blood itself? This would be like us discovering the cow planet, flying there, rounding up all the cows, and eating them without analyzing them first. It’s not just a small logical error, it makes the entire point of the movie asinine beyond belief.
Okay, let’s get to the aliens. They look ridiculous. They’re essentially an amalgam of every movie alien you’ve ever seen. Imagine the alien from Alien combined with a multi-legged chimpanzee with E.T.’s fingers. There you go, you have the aliens. Spielberg had the opportunity to completely redefine what movie aliens should look like and he copped out.
And the tripods looked stupid too. Did you see Minority Report? Remember the little spider things they sent out through the apartment building? Imagine one of those the size of a 20 story building, combine them with the octopus-things from the Matrix (whose name escapes me right now) and you’ve got the tripods. Dumb dumb dumb.
The visual effects in the film are absolutely astonishing, especially the first half, when New York is being destroyed. Absolutely flawless. If this isn’t nominated for an Oscar it will be a travesty. The movie is worth going to see for the visual effects alone.
Oh, and did you notice the quick political jab at Bush? Tim Robbins says, “This isn’t a war, it’s an occupation! And occupations never work! History has shown us that!” (Or something to that effect.)
The first half was breathtaking. The pacing was perfect, with just the right combination of fear, suspense, and comedic relief. Spielberg is a master filmmaker, and the first half of this movie shows us.
And what the hell is with the cutesy ending? Here the whole world has been destroyed, and Cruise gets to Boston with his daughter. And who should open the door but his ex-wife! And her neighborhood is untouched! And who comes to the door but her mom and dad, and the dopey new husband. And then… the son! How the fuck he survived that explosion on the ridge, when one of the tripods would have fallen right on top of him, is never explained. But there is everyone, safe and sound, without a scratch on them. This despite the fact that, just a few minutes earlier, we’re treated to a wide panoramic shot of Boston, and the whole city is in flames and destroyed.
The son should have died. I understand that there has to be some resolution and redemption at the ending. What would have been better is if Cruise had gotten to their house, and the whole neighborhood was demolished. The go into the wreckage of the house, the kid is freaking out, and they find the mother among the wreckage, hurt but alive. She tells them that her whole family is dead, but that because she was pregnant she chose to stay here, and she knew that he would bring the kids home. Then Cruise tells her he had to let the son go, there’s a big emotional moment, and we fade to black.
It’s such a shame, because the first half of the movie was so fucking good. Definitely one of Spielberg’s weaker efforts.
Continuing the move away from a blog and closer to being a legitimate news service, the always-brilliant John Hawkins over at Right Wing News has scored another coup by interviewing the always-brilliant Mark Steyn. Don’t miss this one.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Last night I was on iTunes and I noticed that the band Disturbed has a new single out. They’re not one of my favorite groups but I’ve seen them live a couple of times and they’re pretty good for jamming to in the car, so I picked the single up. I was curious to see if the lyrics were online yet, and a Google search took me to this page, where I found an interesting text snippet.
What kind of a warped piece of shit do you have to be to write songs like this about American soldiers? Let’s look at these individually.
“Forgiven,” a song about the “victim” of a soldier. What, could that be the guy who was shooting at him from the minaret of a mosque? Or the guy who just detonated the IED that killed four Marines in the humvee driving point in the convoy? Or the suicide bomber that was about to kill a bunch of innocent Iraqi civilians signing up to vote or become policeman. But everyone who gets killed by a soldier is a “victim,” right? And this “victim” forgives his “killer” because, luckily, the “killer” is next to die. Well, as long as the America soldier dies, everything is right with the world, huh?
Then there’s “Overburdened,” about American soldiers who are waiting to go into hell, and don’t know why they’re there. Well, of course, it’s because they’re “killers” who run around looking for “victims,” isn’t it? You know, victims who get satisfaction knowing that the evil American soldier is going to go to hell for his actions.
What fucking vermin this band is. The thing that really bugs me about this is that there’s probably a lot of guys over in Iraq and Afghanistan who are going to send email home to their families asking for some new CDs and they’re going to get this in the mail. Simply disgusting. How “Disturbed” do you have to be to actually think this way?
Posted by Lee on 06/29/05 at 10:24 PM in Decline of Western Civilization • (2) Trackbacks • Permalink •
Here’s the latest bullshit environmental scare which will most likely turn out to be absolutely nothing.
Look, I’m going to spell this out as simply as I can. EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD WILL KILL YOU. Everything is a trade-off. I like living in the modern world. I like the conveniences that science has given us, things that make our lives easier. So, we now have a scare about teflon, because a chemical in it (and Gore-Tex jackets, and pizza boxes, and God-knows how many products) it gives us cancer. Okay, let’s assume that it does have an increase in cancer for some people. Taken in totality, are the benefits to society from the products made with this chemical (which are significant) worth less than the chance that there is an increase of cancer? How about cell phones? There are claims that cell phones cause cancer. So we ban cell phones. Would the world be better off without the obvious benefit that mobile phones have provided? Taken in totality, a few people having an increased chance for cancer is a small price to pay for the progress that society gains.
A great example of this is DDT. Science has never given us a chemical as good at killing mosquitoes as DDT. Then there were claims that in large enough doses it is a carcinogen, and that it had environmental impact in that it made bird egg shells soft. So it was banned. As a consequence, tens of millions of people in the third world have died from malaria and other diseases because of mosquitoes. It’s all a trade-off. Let’s use some round numbers for an example. Say DDT could save 1,000,000 lives a year from malaria, but 5,000 people would get cancer from it. Isn’t that a good trade-off? How about if DDT would kill 250,000 people a year? You’re still saving 750,000 people.
There is ALWAYS a trade-off in everything. Pointing out the increased cancer risks in everything around us (cell phones, power lines, teflon, etc.) does nothing but add to a climate of general environmental hysteria.
Maybe I’m a total dweeb, but I think this stuff is great.
Man In the Box
Remember that scene in Schindler’s List, where the little girl is hiding in the outhouse tank, up to her shoulders in human feces? That was supposed to show the depths of depravity that human beings are willing to inflict on one other, to where this little girl had to choose to hide in filth rather than get sent to a Nazi camp. Well, wouldn’t you know that somewhere there would be a guy who got his jollies from that idea.
Seriously, after reading this, I just wish that aliens would blow up the planet.
Posted by Lee on 06/29/05 at 04:09 PM in Decline of Western Civilization • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink •
Bye Bye Housie
I’m going to finally comment on this because I’ve had about 46 people email it to me since yesterday. A group wants to use the government’s newly-created power to steal private land for “public” use by private developers to steal Justice Souter’s house.
I’d love to see it happen, but I’m not going to count on it. Though I can’t think of anything more appropriate, except to have his land stolen so that a Wal-Mart Supercenter could be built in its place.
The Power of Bullshit
A few months ago there was a film broadcast on BBC2 called The Power of Nightmares, which attempted to draw some kind of moral equivalency between the actions of the Bush administration and those of al Qaeda. The European (and American) left is, naturally, using the fact that it hasn’t been broadcast here (except at a few film festivals and the like) as evidence of the right-wing media’s complicity in the eeeeeevil Bush junta’s fascist campaign to enslave the world and steal its oil.
Interestingly, one of the world’s leading experts on al Qaeda, Peter Bergen, has published a review of the film in that notorious right-wing Bush-loving rag The Nation, where he says that while the film has its merits in some areas, in its central theses it is more polemic than documentary. Clive Davis has a great overview of the review, but I recommend you read it in its entirety.
Let me put it this way. I first heard of Sayyid Qutb at least five or six years ago. I had never heard of Leo Strauss until the world’s lefties began claiming that everyone conservative in America was deeply influenced by his teachings.
Here’s a couple of things I bet you didn’t know. The universe was created by a flying spaghetti monster, and pirates cause global warming. It’s true, I tell you. I’m convinced.
The Virgin Option
A thought… when a female blows herself up as a martyr, does she qualify for the 72 virgins like the men do? I mean, I’m sure the image these men have of the virgins that await them are like Sheherazade, dancing seductively just for them. But what does the woman get? Probably guys like this.
I can her it now. “Allah be praised! We’ve been waiting in Paradise for years for a female Martyr to come along, and now? Awwwwww Yeahhhh!! Break out the Axe body wash, my Islamic brother, because Paradise is getting a new Martyr and she’s lookin’ to score!!”
Islamic ladies: Is this worth dying for?
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