Right Thinking From The Left Coast
If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough. - Mario Andretti

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Three Cock Box
by Lee

This could be the greatest eBay aution ever.

I’m selling my wife’s box, I tried to before but ebay pulled it. I’m selling her box because as you can see from the pictures, my cock doesn’t fit in her box. If I try and shove it in any further I will tear her box and she doesn’t want that. We have tried in the past to get rid of her box but have had no luck. She gave her box to the neighbor twice, but he returned it. Then she tried to give it to the mailman, but he said he rather have my cock. Please help us out. I will ship her box to anywhere in the world. I will only charge up to actual shipping cost. My cock is only pictured as a reference and not included. The box measures about 6 inches tall and 4 3/4 inches wide and deep.

The cock doesn’t look all that impressive.

Posted by Lee on 04/02/06 at 09:44 PM in Fun and Humor  • (0) TrackbacksPermalink

Through the Eye of a Needle
by Lee

I have a suggestion for our intelligence officials involved in the interrogation of suspected terrorists.  Ship a whole truckload of Fleet Phospho-Soda down to Gitmo.  Trust me, pour a few of these down someone’s gullet and they’ll admit to anything.

Let me put it this way.  Last night I started a new book.  That book is in the bathroom.  I suspect I’ll have it finished sometime this evening.

Ugh.

Posted by Lee on 04/02/06 at 03:49 PM in Etcetera  • (0) TrackbacksPermalink

Colon Powell
by Lee

Blogging will be light Sunday and Monday.  I’m going to be busy all day doing a freelance project, and I also have to “prepare” for my medical procedure on Monday morning, the ones our friends the Germans call Der Kamera Uppen Sie Pooppenschaft.  So I have a fun-filled day of work, jello, Gatorade, and gut-cleansers to look forward to.  I’ll pop in one or twice, but for the next day or so let the discussion run where it may, and may God have mercy on my colon.

Posted by Lee on 04/02/06 at 01:34 AM in Etcetera  • (0) TrackbacksPermalink

Saturday, April 01, 2006

The Hanging Game
by Lee

Michael Hutchence has a new golfing buddy in hell.

A student at West Virginia University apparently hanged himself by accident in his dorm room while doing an activity known as the “choking game,” a university spokeswoman said Friday.

A staff member at Dadisman residence hall found the body of 21-year-old Jonathan David Hansen hanging from a cord in his room at about 11:30 p.m. Wednesday, said spokeswoman Becky Lofstead.

The staff member went to the room after Hansen’s parents contacted officials at the dorm because they had not heard from him for a couple of days, Lofstead said.

“The medical examiner determined it was an accidental hanging,” she said.

The object of the “choking game” is to deprive the brain of oxygen so one can feel a brief rush when the blood flow returns. The game — also known as space monkey, flat-liner, fainting game and black out — was responsible for more than 50 deaths last year and eight this year, according to the Stop The Choking Game Web site. It can also cause brain damage, strokes, seizures and retinal damage.

What the article conspicuously leaves out: you have to be masturbating at the time.  The idea is to choke yourself to induce hypoxia right as you climax, but as the story shows, if you choke yourself for too long you run the risk of blacking out and hanging yourself.  The really bad thing is that when you’re found you’re not only dead but your dick is hanging out, and your bowels have released, so you’re hanging there naked in a pool of your own excrement. 

What a charming way to go.  And all because, for this guy, normal jerking off didn’t feel good enough. 

Hansen, of Elkview, was a junior majoring in chemical engineering and a 4.0 student, Lofstead said.

Which just goes to show that intelligence is no match for abject stupidity.

Okay, let’s get a pool going.  How long will it be until one of this moron’s friends or relatives comes in here calling me Hitler for making fun of this dead loser.

Posted by Lee on 04/01/06 at 10:37 AM in Decline of Western Civilization  • (0) TrackbacksPermalink

Fun Cali Style
by Lee

Sorry for the lack of posting tonight.  We were at work, and what started out as a few Friday beers turned into a martini fiesta, which then morphed into a bar-hopping extravaganza, which ended up turning out horribly, horribly wrong.  Allow me to elaborate.

After we were nicely oiled, a bunch of coworkers and I ended up patrolling the bars of Santa Monica, looking for poontang.  After a couple of hours we ended up meeting a group of girls, and began plying them with alcohol.  Everything was going cool, we all paired up and there was much dirty dancing and pelvic grinding.  Then my friend Mark, who we call Rat because his name is Mark Ratner, just like the character from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, indicated that the girl he was with wanted to go outside for a little alone time with him, and he begged us not to leave him without a ride.  No sweat, we tell him.  So off he goes.

About fifteen minutes later Rat comes back in with the most anguished look on his face.  It seems that the girl he was with was, shall we say, a little randy, and after some making out had offered to perform oral sex, an offer Rat readily accepted.  As she was involved in the act a rat happened to crawl across her foot.  (The irony—a “rat.") She was so startled she clamped her jaw closed, chomping down on Rat’s most tender of areas.  We all told him to blow it off, and I got him a glass of ice from the bar, and we told him to go into the bathroom and ice up his crotch.  A few minutes later he came out and was white as a sheet. 

“My fucking dick is bleeding.”
“Bullshit.”
“No, I’m not kidding.  My underwear is full of fucking blood.”

Now, being guys we all began laughing hysterically, but Rat was not amused.  He wanted to go to the emergency room.  Of course, this made us all laugh even harder, which pissed him off so much that he took a swing at our other friend Brandon.  The bouncer at the bar saw this and ran over to throw him out.  He was going to call the cops when we all jumped in and told him everything was cool.  Seeing the seriousness of the situation, we split.  And went to the emergency room.

It seems that the internal tissue of Rat’s urethra (I believe that’s the technical term) was lacerated by the bite, and the poor fuck had blood running out the end of his wee-wee.  He had to get a rabies shot and some other stuff, just in case.  Needless to say this pretty much ruined the whole rest of our evening, and I never did get any phone numbers. 

Thus explains why I’m home at 12:30 on a Saturday night.  What a total fucking waste.

Posted by Lee on 04/01/06 at 01:08 AM in Decline of Western Civilization  • (0) TrackbacksPermalink
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