Right Thinking From The Left Coast
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. - George Burns

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

by JimK

FIGHT HIM! No way should we let ReplubliCorporoTea scumbags ruin our country, man! We’re progressives! We’re for the little guy and nature and progressive stuff! So how can you join our fight? By using one of the other corporate tools of oppression that we just didn’t give your statistics on because they are the only ones that would let us re-brand their service with this utter nonsensical bullshit! So quick, get yourself one of our luxury, first-world devices and help the little guy and oppressed peoples all over the world, some of whom have never even seen a rotary version of these crazy fucking things that are made with all sorts of recycled precious metals, mined by desperate people in horrible conditions in places like South Africa and Uganda! Oh, and also made out of plastic, which requires oil, but we don’t ever want to talk about the fact that we depend almost entirely on plastics to exist in the modern age. Or that this computer we wrote this on is part of the problem, or that...oh hell we’re a fat bunch of hypocrites, aren’t we?

What the hell am I on about? Well, I got this really hilarious deadly serious letter in the mail. It’s brilliant.

This is the text of the letter. All emphasis is theirs.

Dear Fellow Progressive,

I’d like you to take a close look at your phone company, and ask yourself this: Did my phone company help send the Tea party to Washington?
If you’re with AT&T or VERIZON, you should know that AT&T contributed a whopping $386,000 while Verizon gave $35,500 to House Tea Party Caucus members in the 2010 election cycle. What’s more, both companies supported Tea Party-backed Senators Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, Mike Lee and Pat Toomey.

At CREDO, America’s only progressive phone company, we fight the right wing.

Through CREDO Action, our network of 1.5 million activists, we are countering the anti-immigrant, gun-obsessed, climate change deniers of the Tea party every day of the year. We also give a percentage of all charges – at no cost to you! – to progressive nonprofits each year. Since 1985, we’ve raised more than $65 million for groups such as the ACLU, Planned parenthood, Democracy Now!, and Doctors Without Borders.

So make the switch to CREDO today and get:

  • A contract buyout credit of up to $200 per line (up to 3 lines)*
  • 25% off your monthly service for a whole year
  • No contract for 30 days**
  • Free shipping of your phone(s)
  • Great coverage through the nationwide Sprint® network, reaching over 280 million Americans+

Ready to sign up? Act now because this offer expires on May 15, 2011. Simply call 800-605-7205 or visit credomobile.com/25off. I’ll make sure we take care of the rest.
And yes, you’ll know that your new phone is fighting the Tea Party’s agenda in Washington.

Michael Kieschnick, President
CREDO Mobile

Love it. So basically, they take Sprint service, brand it as CREDO Mobile, tack on extra fees to pay salaries, for these mailers, Michael Kieschnick’s new car, whatever. Michael Kieschnick has been doing this with phone services for some time with a company called “Working Assets” and has amassed quite a lot of money doing it. Good for him. He saw a market where idiots will overpay for something and believe they are political activists for doing it.

You want Sprint services? Buy Sprint services. Don’t get a shitty, out-of-date cell phone from some political hacks and overpay for service. Just get a cell phone, then donate directly to Doctors Without Borders or the ACLU or whoever. Sprint gave somewhere near $100,000 to Republicans in Congress in the 2010 election cycle. How much of that went to Tea Party Caucus members? I don’t know, someone else s going to have to cross-reference the names. What I do know is that basic common sense tells me that some of the Sprint money goes precisely and exactly where this huckster Kieschnick is saying it won’t go. The rest is going to administration, salary, overhead and if there’s anything left after that, maybe Planned Parenthood gets a tenspot.

Cool? We all cool, slacktivists? Cool. Just as long as we have some outward symbol of the fact that we hate those teabaggers, like the kickass orange CREDO logo on the back of our shitty, outdated-technology cell phones, right! Power to the progressives! Damn the man! Now excuse me while I find the keys to my Benz. I might have left them in my other Italian suit.

Sucker born every minute, right?

What I really want to know is, how’d I get on a progressive mailing list as a potential customer? Sure, newsletters and shit, people sign me up for crap all the time, but CREDO bought my name as a possible lead. Two seconds on Google would’ve saved ‘em the bulk rate postage. :)

Posted by JimK on 03/29/11 at 09:44 AM in • (0) TrackbacksPermalink
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